New Post from Miss Independent

There is a reason we need so many bags, ladies.  It’s not just because we like to look at them.  No, we use them to store up every little bit of feedback we’ve ever received from the world.   Most things, we don’t even realize we carry; they integrate right into the lining.  Occasionally, we realize the bags a bit heavy but we just bear it.  It’s the way things are.

Some things we store up aren’t so bad.  They affect our behavior in harmless ways.  You do your hair a certain way when you want to feel pretty because you know it always get compliments.  You dig out that dress that cheers you up instantly because it was what you wore the night the DJ kept buying you drinks.  You do these things with great expectations, and, more often than not, the world responds as you think it will thus solidifying your trust in these mystical coincidences.

The sad truth is that most of what is in our baggage is negative.  While the memory of a compliment tweaks our actions, bad experiences modify our innate behavior with a sledgehammer… and we don’t even realize it.

For Example:

Martha grew up with ugly duckling syndrome.  In truth, there was nothing wrong with Martha or her looks but before she underwent her swan transformation the damage was already done.  Kids teased in the hall.  The quarterback asked her out in front of the whole class just to shout “Not!” and burst out laughing when she said yes.  Her own brother called her ugly (only after she called him stupid, I’m sure) and it wove its way into the fabric.  It no longer matters what the mirror reflects, she believes it.

Jack has been nervous to ask Martha out for weeks.  Finally he gets up the courage to talk to her and he saunters up to the water cooler (side note: who still has water coolers?).  He walks up and opens with the line he’s rehearsed all morning, “Hi Martha, wow, you look really pretty today.”  [He’s not a mac daddy, okay.  The poor kid has no game but you get

the gist.]

Enter Martha’s expectations.

Martha expects people to think she’s ugly so she immediately assumes Jack is A) lying, B) making fun of her, C) wants her to finish his T.P.S.reports, or D) All of the above.   She efficiently manages to whack poor Jack upside the head with her baggage in response.  Jack walks away with a smart comment in an effort to regain a bit of the pride that just went flying.

Status Report:

Relationship potential = officially squelched

Jack = annihilated

Martha = (although COMPLETELY wrong) feels justified.   The expectations she’s holding onto have proved themselves again, at least in her eyes.

The point is, ladies, our baggage skews our vision of the world.  Sometimes what we expect can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.   We expect people to treat us badly, it alters our behavior and therefore, people treat us badly.  What would happen if we purposefully readjusted our expectations?  If we dumped out the bags, or let’s get really crazy, tossed all the bags on the Goodwill truck?  (No, I don’t mean the navy Coach…. Or that Burberry either).  What if we greet every new person that enters our lives with an empty unburdened hand?

Just a thought…

Now I’ll leave you to purge your metaphorical closets.

Love,

Miss Independent

Breakup Tip #17

You finally meet a nice guy, he’s sweet, he’s thoughtful and he actually picks you up and opens your car door on a date (what a winner, right?). Well, the problem may not be him, it may be his ex…

You see, sometimes the problem isn’t YOUR ex, it’s somebody else’s. I think we have all seen this before, the ex who doesn’t quite want to let go. She or he may have ended the relationship (maybe not), but all of a sudden they have appeared back in their life and you wonder if this is another red flag.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer; you see it could go either way. The guy may be so into you he couldn’t care less that his ex is back and may not even entertain the idea. On the other hand, he may secretly consider whether or not he wants you or the old girl.

Let me make this easier for you, if it’s the later, it’s time to say goodbye. We don’t need our new guy to be pining for his ex. I don’t want to be second choice to anyone and neither should you. If you feel like this chick is more important that you, it may be time to go.

A few examples of how this might look:

1.  He has missed calls and or texts from her
2. You see comments on his Facebook page from her (a lot)
3.  She tried to “casually” swing by his workplace to say hi
4.  She tells him she misses him 5. She hopes they can still be friends (as innocent as this sounds, who really wants to be friends with their ex?)

I’m not telling you to run for the hills but be cautious. I have dealt with some crazy exes and I regret not walking away when I had the chance. This guy should want to be with you, not his ex and her crazy shenanigans, let’s hope he makes the right choice and chooses to stay with you.

Love,

Miss Behaving

New Blog Post from Miss Independent

It’s Friday afternoon (or evening depending on where you stand) and the world has spent a day watching, discussing, re-watching and pretending to care (or not care) about the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.  (Does anyone else think it’s weird that you never hear a royal’s last name?  Furthermore, why is Catherine abbreviated “Kate” not “Cate”? Never mind.)

But about now, as the hype is dying down, I’d be willing to bet that there are a fair few of you secretly dying inside as your plan to become a legitimate princess has now been dashed to the wind.  While #RoyalWedding is trending today, I’m fairly certain that #PrinceHarry will be the trend of tomorrow.  As one of the last few available monarchs is taken off the shelf, the rules of supply and demand will kick in… I can see it now.

I wonder just how many of you lovely ladies have Googled “single royals” today.  I can just hear the inner dialogue now…

“Harry will do, Harry will do nicely.  He will never be king but who wants that pressure anyways?  Really, Harry and I… it would be the best of both worlds.  An over the top, televised royal wedding… I wonder if they’d let him marry an American?  Ooooh!  It would be like a joining of the nations!!!”

STOP. IT. NOW.

I’m sure there are many more ladies, while not particularly affected by the royalty part, are sick to death of yet another romantic to-do rubbed in their face.

GET. OVER. IT.

While you’re trying to shake yourself back to sense, let’s add a few more things to STOP doing:

-Stop hating on Kate Princess Catherine.  Jealousy is just ugly.

-Stop searching for your Prince Charming in the headlines.  There are living, breathing wonderful people around you in your day to day life.  Who really wants to deal with paparazzi anyways?

-Stop the inner narration of your own televised wedding.  “She’s stepping out of the car now… the crowd goes wild….”

I’m sure there is more… maybe you can add your own suggestions to the comment section readers.

As someone once told me, “We are all in a waiting line for the things we desire.  Instead of jealousy towards the people at the front of the line, be relieved and thankful that you are one step closer.”  So, for those of you having a pity party over another fairytale wedding, buck up.  You are one wedding closer to your own (you can even wear a tiara).

New Blog Post from Miss Independent

Breakups are terrible no matter how it happens but there is a new wave of digital relationship termination that should really be deemed disgusting by all.  Yes, I’m talking about the email breakup.  Seriously, if you are not mature enough to have “the talk”, no matter how painful, than you are not grown up enough to have an actual relationship.  This terrible form of delivery is exacerbated tenfold when an email ends an engagement.

On behalf of all the amazing women dumped via email by a fiancé, I present a template letter for your reply.

Dear _________________,

You should be ashamed of yourself. 

Not only did you lead my on, you lied to my face, drew in my family, and messed with our minds. 

I’m a reasonable person.  I can struggle to give you the slightest benefit of doubt by trying to understand how a man that could pluck up the courage to propose could possibly have a change of heart.  But call off an engagement via EMAIL?!  You, sir, are the scum of the Earth.  Worse than scum, even.  Your face should be pasted on billboards with the inscription “world’s biggest coward” so you can feel the full consequences of this despicable behavior.     

I sincerely hope you grow a pair before ever walking near a woman again.  If you can’t be sure enough of what you want, STAY FAR AWAY from the female persuasion.  They don’t deserve your treachery. 

Thankfully no longer yours,

___________________

Hang in there sisters.   It doesn’t feel like it now, but you are soooooo much better off.  Lift you head high.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Whether you feel it or not, there is a huge monkey off your back.  You are moving on to bigger and better things!  I promise… and I’m usually right.  Trust me.

Love,

Miss Independent (guest blogger)