Breakup Tip #14
What do you do when you let yourself go down in flames…(a.k.a you took him back)
Well, you decided to give Mr. Wrong one more shot. After all, he told you how sorry he was, he told you how much he regretted his decision to let you go, he may have even begged and now he wants you to reconsider your relationship with him, sounds perfect, right?
So, after much conconsideration, going back and forth on what you should do, you realize your heart has already made up its mind. You want him back and although this could hurt, possibly even kill you; you decide to go back down this road again. Possibly the worst decision ever, but you have already given up trying to fight that inner voice that keeps telling you this is a bad idea (turn around now).
Well, things go well for the first few days (maybe even weeks if you’re lucky), but all of a sudden Mr. Wrong puts on the breaks, “things are going too fast”, he isn’t sure that he made the right decision and my favorite line of all, “he doesn’t want to hurt you.” JUST SHOOT ME.
Men can be as wishy-washy as they come, it’s horrible to think one minute you are the apple of their eye, their one true love and the next, he isn’t sure this is going to work out and as I was told recently, he would rather “be your friend than your enemy.” What a douche.
So, forgive me, men, if I speak for all the ladies out there who were nice enough (and possibly stupid enough) to give you a second chance because you didn’t deserve it the first time and you sure as hell, won’t get another try. So, be sure you want to let us go because we’re not coming back. I mean it this time, I really do.
Stand strong girls, it may hurt, it may suck and it may require ANOTHER breakup ritual of no sleep, crying and possibly pounds of chocolate, but saying goodbye to this jerk once and for all may be the best thing that you ever did. He didn’t deserve you before and he doesn’t deserve you now, the only thing that’s changed is that you gave yourself another chance to see it, but let me give you a hint, the third time’s not the charm, it’s the end. Let it go. Move on.
It’s time to say adios to all those losers!
Breakup Tip #13
So, he came back….
Let me guess, you are finally starting to feel like yourself again, you made it outside of your bed, heck you even made it outside your house and all of a sudden (when you least expect it)…Boom, guess whose back?
Now, since you have given yourself some time to heal and you have finally taken down all those old pictures and the restraining order has been lifted (JUST KIDDING). You would like to tell yourself that you can handle this; he means nothing to you now. All those weeks, months or maybe even years were just a spot on your record and not something you want to relive all over again, right…right? Well, your mind has probably started wondering at this point to the what ifs…or the but, maybe he realized his huge mistake!
While all these assumptions are possible, let’s for one second remember one simple fact. He left you, he didn’t want to be with you and HE was the one who broke your heart. So, maybe he doesn’t deserve to be welcomed back with open arms. I have had this happen to me, it was actually quite like a movie, the guy showed up at my door (Ironically it was pouring with rain) and it was quite the romantic chick flick scene. I took him back without a hesitation and although it was wonderful for the first few months, we quickly started running into the same problems we had before.
So, while having your ex back in your life may seem like an answer to a prayer, just be warned, it may not end with the same happy ending you initially intended. My warning for you ladies is to be careful, remember this relationship didn’t work out before and although he may know all your deepest darkest secrets, including your much needed craving for chocolate at 2am, it doesn’t mean he is Mr. Right.
While an ex-boyfriend may be the safe choice, don’t go back with him because he was comfortable, do it because you can’t live without him (and be pretty darn sure about that). Even in the midst of my break from dating, I have found that my exes are coming out of the woodwork to say “hi” or just “check in,” but I don’t want to get sidetracked because I know that these relationships didn’t work in the past, the likelihood that they will work now seems slim to none. I am not trying to be your Debbie downer but rather a realistic friend. So, I’ll leave this ball in your court, but remember you deserve the best and if this guy isn’t that, then give him the door and see how he likes it.
Breakup Tip #12
It’s funny to me that when I am not in a relationship I feel a lot more free and happy. I think the built up hopes and fears of a relationship tend to stress me out. You know the feeling, one minute you’re on top of the world and the next you are wishing the ground would swallow you up. It’s not easy trying to make another person happy, heck…it’s not easy making yourself happy all the time!
I recently vowed to take a strict break from dating for at least 6 months and I can honestly say I feel totally at peace with it. I don’t have that horrible voice in the back of my head saying, “but, you’re getting old, the clock is ticking” or the “you need to find someone, you don’t want to end up alone.” Nope, I’ve kicked those little voices to the curb because I am finally happy just being me, free and single.
I have realized after many good and bad relationships that I don’t need another person to make me happy, what really makes me happy is doing the things I love. You see, I am the kind of person who will literally bend over backwards to make their significant other happy and at times it means I have to sacrifice my own happiness. I don’t want to be this girl anymore. I quit (this is my formal notice of resignation from dating) and I am genuinely content with my decision.
So, ladies this is my advice for you. Your relationship is over but that doesn’t mean your life is, you don’t need another person to make you happy. Why not take some time (however long that may be) and give yourself a dating break, if the right guy comes along great, if not, it’s OK. Don’t stress about it, just give yourself a nice little dating vacation.
You’re a free single lady now, enjoy it!
Breakup Tip #11
The rebound (no, I’m not talking about basketball)
Everybody needs time to grieve their past relationship, to get over it and move on. However, in some cases we skip the grieving process and go straight into the next relationship, never quite healing from the first. I want you to know, it’s ok to want another guy’s attention, after all, having a little much needed TLC gives you a little swing in your step.
Warning- if you are hanging out with this guy for any other reason, besides that fact that you like him, there is a problem here. You see, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of convincing yourself that if you just find someone else to love you (no matter who he is), what’s his name, will come running back! WRONG.
The relationship is over and whether or not you need to take a short time out from the dating game is up to you, but don’t rush into a relationship with the next guy that walks along just so you can get over the last. Trust me, it’s not fair to you and it’s definitely not fair to the new guy (who could be a really great match, when you finally get over the last jerk).
So, my recommendation for you, ladies, is to give yourself some time to get over your ex and when you’re ready (truly ready and not still wondering about Mr. Douchebag), then you can take those next steps to finding Mr. Right. Believe me, the rebound guy will only lead to more hurt, maybe not for you, but still, let’s keep it classy.
Remember, you will get through this, time heals all wounds, you just have to give yourself a little breather.
Breakup Tip #10
The run in…(how to handle it)
So, you casually walk into your favorite bar looking forward to a night out on the town, finally you have removed the covers from over your head and stepped out into the world only to see the one person you thought you would never see again…your ex.
(your heart just stopped)
What do you do, how should you act and what the hell is he doing here, is probably running through your head. Oh, and don’t forget the normal, do I look good, I hope he realizes what he’s missing. Well, this particular instance happened to me last night. I was out at a bar with my best friend, feeling good and ready to enjoy my night when low and behold from across the room I spot him. He still looked the same and as I felt my heart skip a beat, I thought to myself, holy crap, I may need to leave!
My friend quickly calmed me down as she reminded me, I looked good, I was (by chance) brought up to the VIP area of this bar and guess what, I was over it! Mr. not good enough wasn’t going to bring me down tonight and as I threw back the rest of my drink, I thought to myself, bring it on, I am not going to let you get to me and I am going to enjoy my night. So, I did!
I didn’t speak to him, I don’t even know if he saw me but just the fact that I knew he was there was enough ammunition for me to put my game face on, break it down on the dance floor and be myself (something I could never actually be when I was with him).
Ladies, I’m not saying a run in with an ex isn’t the most dreaded thing in the world and when you see him leaning all over another girl (like I did), it will sting just a little. However, keep your head up because you are going to handle this will class, after all nothing quite bothers a guy as much as ignorning him and moving on. But, guess what, thats exactly what you’re going to do.
If he speaks to you, great, be nice and friendly (let him know what he’s missing), but don’t scream, shout or curse at him, it’s not worth it and it will only make you look worse (I want you to look better). So, go ahead handle this run-in with ease because you’ve got this and when he walks away he will only be wondering…why he let you go 😉
Miss Behaving xox
Breakup Tip #9
You will find love again…(believe me)
Let me guess, the one you thought you were going to ride off into the sunset with has up and left and you’re wondering what next? No one may ever love you again…right? WRONG.
Mr. Perfect may not have been the last guy and he may not be the next one, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever find someone who will truly love you. Yes, breakups can make you feel as though you are doomed, as if all of a sudden the world is just you and your ex and no one else can possibly make you feel loved and adored, except him. Well, I’m here to tell you otherwise. You can find love again, maybe not now but it is possible, it’s all about timing.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, not me and not you (only God knows). Oh and guess what, I bet the new guy you meet with appreciate you 100 times more than whats his face.
Just remember, Ladies. You are loveable, you are worth it and you WILL find love again, it’s all a matter of when and where, being in the right place at the right time. You can get through this breakup and you will be a better person for it!
Go ahead, make the most of life right now, because you never know who your about to meet just around the corner
Miss Behaving xox
Breakup Tip #8
Knowing your self worth…
Confidence may come easy to you. However, after a breakup, this might change quite dramatically. We all want to feel worthy of love (and we are, trust me), but when the one person who we thought loved us unlike anyone else decides to up and leave our confidence may hit the floor.
I know, I’ve been there. Feeling like your ego has taken quite a hit and wondering whats wrong with me? I get it. It’s not easy to find your own self-worth when the person you loved took it with him when he exited the room. I want you to know, you are valuable, this guy might not have seen it, but that doesn’t mean the next guy won’t.
Think of it this way, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t see you for all you truly are? Why not be with someone who gets you without you having to explain yourself, someone who loves you flaws and all. Yes, this is what you SHOULD want and what you DESERVE.
I have been here many times and although I may have taken a hit to my self esteem, I eventually come to the realiziation that I am worthy of love and if this guy isn’t going to love me, then he isn’t the one for me!
You are worth it, you are loveable and you are a great person and someone (somewhere) will appreciate you for all you bring to the table. Just wait, maybe that loser who left you will realize this too, but guess what…by the time he does, you will have moved on, because you deserve better.
Keep your head up, Ladies. You are awesome (try repeating that a few times)
Miss Behaving xox
Breakup Tip #7
This one goes out to all the shopaholics out there…
Shop till you drop may be your life motto right now but it can also be detrimental to the breakup process. Yes, you want to go out and buy a cute outfit, that’s fine. However, spending money you didn’t have to begin with to get that extra pair of Prada shoes will not get you anywhere, besides being in a lot of debt and no one wants that. I truly believe in shopping and enjoying time outside of your bedroom, but when the credit card seems to be paying for all the mistakes your ex made, there is a problem.
Monitor your spending habits, enjoy your free time but remember your bank account should not have to pay for his mistakes. I will warn you spending money has always been an easy way to get a quick fix from my breakup woes but buying all these cute clothes that I don’t have an occasion for is unnecessary and a waste of money.
Yes, you want your ex to see you and think, what was I thinking,but you don’t want to have to go into debt to make him feel that way. All I am saying is be careful how much you spend, allow yourself to window shop and buy things you need, but don’t go overboard.
I would, however, recommend going through your closet during this time and getting rid of all those old clothes you never liked anyway because after all helping make other people look good, is a great feeling, so why not share the love?
Miss Behaving xox
No Facebook stalking…
I know, it’s one of the easiest things to do in the world, just turn on the computer, click the Facebook link, type in his name and bingo (there he is). You now have access to his life, who wrote on his wall last, his recent pictures and yes, even his new girlfriend. Suddenly you regret clicking on his profile page and that horrible sick to your stomach feeling comes back as you realize, he’s moved on.
Yes, I’ve been there and it hurts like hell. Unfortunately in today’s modern world, where you can now see your ex just a click away, heartaches have gotten ten times worse. Unfortunately, as much as we acknowledge that it hurts us to see it, Facebook has become like a drug and we just can’t get enough of it. We want to know where he is, who he is with and why he no longer cares that we exist.
I am here to put a stop to this once and for all. I want you to STOP Facebook stalking your ex, I know it sounds crazy but you can do it. The first step to this is to defriend him (yes, I said it), do it. No he won’t hate you for it and if he does, that’s his problem. You are moving on with your life and if he’s already moved on with his, why torture yourself by constantly reminding yourself of what could have been. He is over it, and you should be too.
I know, it hurts and it sucks, but it’s going to be better for you in the long run. If you can’t bring yourself to defriend him, at least hide him from your newsfeed or have a friend take your Facebook password for a while so you’re not tempted to look.
I want you to get through this breakup and I know for me and many other women out there Facebook is only holding you back. If you are checking his profile page more than once a day, it’s time to put a stop to it. You have to think about yourself now (no, it’s not being selfish, it’s called self-preservation).
When I tell you, I have been there, I mean it. I have done the Facebook stalking thing and it didn’t get me anywhere, except making me feel more upset. When you are ready to be friends (and I mean just friends) with you ex, that’s when you can stalk them on Facebook, by which point, you probably won’t want to because you will be dating the next guy. So, if you take anything from this post, it’s time to take a Facebook break, remove your ex or remove yourself for a while. It’s going to be ok, we can get you through this and you will be a happier person for it.
Good luck, it’s time to say goodbye…
Miss Behaving xox
Breakup Tip #5
Yes, we all do it and at times have been there for those who are also in this phase of life, but when it comes to a breakup, it often goes hand in hand. It’s that feeling of sadness, missing someone who was once a big part of your life and then realizing that you may not see them again. I get it.
My tip for you today, is to wipe the tears out of your eyes, get off the couch and back on with your life, because there are better things for you. So, Mr. Right didn’t turn out to be the guy you were dating, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t waiting just around the corner.
I know. You may not want to ever love someone else again, and if you can’t have him then you don’t want anyone. Yes, I’ve been there too. However, this does pass and when you meet a guy who will treat you better than your ex, you will realize all those nights of moping around the house were just keeping you from reaching your full potential.
I get it, it sucks. A breakup isn’t called a break-up for nothing and everyone needs time to get over theirs, but I am here to give you hope. There are two ways to view a breakup, as the end of the world or an opportunity to take on the world, it’s up to you, but I would go with the latter.
You can get through this and although moping around your house may seem like a great idea, it will only hold you back. So, give yourself some time to feel better, get out of bed and go outside (yes, the world is still going on without you, but it misses you and it wants you back).
I have done the moping thing and it didn’t get me anywhere and I mean literally anywhere, I’ve never spent so much time in the same pair of pajamas, swearing to myself that I would never leave my bed.
Think of it this way, the man of your dreams is not going to be waiting at your bed side table in hopes that you decide to pop up from under the covers, he’s out there waiting for you to get your act together and why wait? The other loser that left you doesn’t deserve that time, you just have to believe that what you have to offer is something SO great that any guy would be lucky to have you and trust me, he is!
Now follow these steps:
Step one: remove blankets from over your head (yes, this will require you to get out of bed)
Step two: take a shower (yes, I said it…)
Step three: Put on that cute outfit (you know the one that always make you feel a little special)
Step four: Go out and rock it (because, Baby, nothings holding you back, except YOU!)
Miss Behaving xox
Breakup Tip #4
Give yourself some time…
You’ve heard it a million times before, the best cure for a breakup is time. I remember hearing this myself and thinking how do you know, you don’t have to go through the pain I’m feeling and it feels like it will last forever. Yes, I’ve been there and I know the feeling well. I’m here to give you the good news though, time really does heal all wounds. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked back at one of my past relationships and thought, why did I get so upset? I can’t believe I shed one single tear over that guy. You will get to this point too, it may not be something you are immediately aware of, but gradually over time, the pain will begin to disappear. As humans we are built to preserve ourselves, to protect yourself from threats of harm and at times we do so unknowingly.
Let me guess, right now your heart hurts, it feels heavy and it’s as if a part of you is missing, you no longer know how to spend your days or who to spend them with but after time you will begin to get into a new rhythm. Going to bed at night won’t feel like a monumental challenge and waking up in the morning will only be painful because no one should have to get up quite that early.
I am a firm believe in giving yourself some time to heal. I gaurantee that after a few weeks or months (lets hope for weeks), you will begin to feel ok again. I know it hurts right now, but giving yourself time to heal will be the key to moving on and don’t you want to meet Mr. Right?
Ladies, listen up, breakups are hard (we know this) but this time tomorrow you will feel a little bit better! The good news is every day that passes is a step away from that relationship and that memory and a beginning towards a whole bunch of new memories and maybe even a new relationship. So, get excited, this breakup doesn’t mean the end, it’s the beginning.
Breakup Tip #3
Don’t kill your friends….
I know what you’re thinking, you have no plans to kill them but you may be doing it without even know it. Yes, we have our friends through the good times and the bad. A breakup can be one of the worst times of your life but constantly telling your friends about how much you hate your life right now, may eventually push them away. I’m not saying you shouldn’t share your feelings with those closet to you, I think you should, but waking your friend up at 2am because you can’t sleep, may not be the wisest decision.
I get it, breakups suck.
Your friends will want to help you, after all that’s what friends are for, but I will warn you there is a limit to how much your friends can do for you. Don’t constantly ask them what they think you should have done differently or why he left you because they want to see you happy and happy = moving on.
Hey, if you really need someone 24/7 get a breakup buddy, someone who knows you are going through a crazy period in your life and will be there regardless.
Remember your friends care about you and they want you to be happy so don’t over burden them but hang out with them, enjoy your time together. I always recommend a girls night out or a chick flick marathon accompanied by some chinese food. Hey, it may not take the pain away for good, but it may give you a temporary release and we could all use that.
Breakup Tip #2
Regrets. We all have them, some seem worse than others, but when it comes to a breakup, I know from personal experience, regret is part of the process.
We’ve all been there, right? The what if I had said this or what if I had done this differently? I know, its easy to let a million thoughts crowd your mind with the possibilities of what if and if only. But, guess what? Having regrets will not change the ending conclusion, you are still broken up. Why continue to torture yourself?
My good friend once told me, even if I had said something differently or maybe done something differently we most likely would still have broken up. You see? If a relationship isn’t working there isn’t much you can do or say to fix it, its broken.
So, whats next? Go out and find someone new because they won’t want you to try and act or say something that isn’t you, they will value you for who you are already. Yes, we all make mistakes and say things we may regret later, but if he’s the right person, he will forgive you for it and move on.
No, this isn’t an easy thing to do and it may take some time, but trust me when I tell you, regrets should be something you did in the past, you’re better than this and you’re moving on. Get ready ladies, because your Mr. Right, will love you for who you are!
Breakup Tip #1
My first and extremely important tip for those recently broken up with is NO contact. None. ZERO…got it?
The reason I stress this is because breakups are hard enough without having to hear from the person who broke your heart. oh and hey, guess what? They don’t want to talk to you and if they do, don’t pick up. If he wants to talk to you badly enough, he will. Trust me.
Contacting your ex with Facebook messages, text messages or even showing up at their house (something I personally wouldn’t recommend), will only make you feel worse. I want you to feel better! So, he’s out of your life, but maybe that’s a good thing?
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and your breakup is just another reason to move on. Meet someone new, he will be glad you’re not with that guy anymore.
Trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to contact your ex, it will only give him the satisfaction that you are not over your breakup and who needs that? I say delete his number, his “cute” text messages and move on. If he wants to contact you, he will and if he’s wondering what you’re doing, great! Let him wonder…
Ladies, you are better than this and you deserve better too, so get out there and find a new person to obsess over because guess what, you’re over it!